Trump Social Media Empire takes off like a rocket
Influence of the NRA reaches record high
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene experiences a brief moment of mental clarity
Pregnant women reject the right to abortion
Fox News Reporter Wins “Gotcha” Moment with Press Secretary Psaki
Culture canceled Cancel Culture cancellation
President Biden Fleeces taxpayers at golf cart rentals at his resort
Calligrapher The room is running out of listing of Ted Cruz’s achievements in rice grains
Planet earth to humanity: I will miss you when you are gone
And one that you are going to read today:
And now our feature presentation …
Cheers and ridicule for Tuesday, May 18, 2021
Note: If you want to print out today’s C&J and eat it, 3 fiber points will count towards your daily total. Add a protein point if you want to top it with cheese and two dessert points if you want to eat it in a chocolate fountain. -Weight Watchers
By the numbers:
Days until National Wine Day: 7th
Rolling increase in port traffic by 12 months in The angelAccording to the Calculated Risk blog, which handles 40% of our country’s container import traffic: 2.4%
Factor by which the rate at which the US Sending people to jail is higher than the world average: 4x
Estimated Annual Tax Gap – the difference between what is paid and what is actually owed: $ 1 trillion
Months “Coke Energy” took before Coca-Cola stopped making it: 16
Percent of openly LGBTQ Americans by the LGBTQ + Travel Association who say they want to go on vacation before the end of the year: 73%
Years in which the days of our lives pass was extendedand carries it into his 68th year: 2
Puppy picture of the day: Just help …
CHEERS to our top story of the day. Ladies and gentlemen, our long national nightmare is finally over. Come out wherever you are! Go about your life. Put on your frizzy clothes and chic seersucker suits. Smell the flowers. Tap your hats on the passers-by. Hum a happy tune. Ladies and gentlemen, We found the tiger:
“India,” reports the nine-month-old Bengal tiger, who last roamed a residential area in Houston, Texas, before being put in a jeep by a murder suspect fleeing the police, reports CNN.
After we overcome our surprise that this story doesn’t take place in Florida, the good news is that the tiger is unharmed and has been safely taken to a shelter in the area.
Yes. A happy ending for a tiger story is actually one of our top story of the day. Welcome to Joe Biden America.
CHEERS to our broad-shouldered savior. Oh, Senator Joe, Manchin, you are a mystery wrapped in a secret in a fine pepperoni roll from West Virginia. According to Vox (motto: “All the Vox that can be printed”), Manchin has finally broken away from the crowd to offer its own solution to our little republican war on voting rights. He wants to restore the “pre-clearance” rules that apply to states with a history of racially motivated voter suppression before the Supreme Court overturned them. Except this time …
…Manchin suggested applying the John Lewis Act “to all 50 states and territories”. Therefore, all states, not just the few states with the worst racial records, would need to submit new voting rules to the federal exam to ensure that the new rule does not target color voters.
Manchin’s proposal would do much to stop the latest round of voter suppression laws. And it would make the suffrage law stronger than ever, applying an effective tool that was originally used only for a handful of states across the nation. […]
A nationwide preclearance regime would be a very big deal. It would not simply block many new attempts to disenfranchise voters. It could also weaken several existing laws designed to prevent people from casting a vote.
Just a little problem. It would take 60 votes to pass in the Senate, and Manchin and his fellow Democrats would have to bring an ax to the filibuster. As Vox says, “Manchin will likely have to decide whether it’s more about allowing the Senate Republican minority to block laws or protecting voting rights.” That he has to think about it is appalling. So don’t roll hot peppers for him until he does the right thing.
CHEERS to happy results. 169 years ago today Massachusetts decided that all school age children must go to school and that turned out to be fine. Same sex couples started getting married there yesterday seventeen years ago, and that turned out to be okay too. And last year I read that Massachusetts still has one of the lowest divorce rates in the country. I think I figured it out: Red states don’t really hate “liberal” Massachusetts– You’re just jealous.
SHORT SANITARY BREAK
END LETTER SANITY BREAK
CHEERS on letters from the C & J mailbag. Sent today via Preemptive Pest Post:
Dear Virginia cicadas, Pennsylvania, Indiana, Maryland, Ohio, New Jersey, and Delaware,
With best regards,
Virginia, Pennsylvania, Indiana, Maryland, Ohio, New Jersey, and Delaware.
And the way they leave their little cicada Viagra bottles all over the yard is just rude.
JEERS to less nookytime. According to the Centers for Disease Control, the United States is make fewer babies:
The number of in the The U.S. is down 4% year over year in 2020, according to a new federal report released on Wednesday. The general fertility rate was 55.8 births per 1,000 women aged 15 to 44, which is another record low, according to preliminary data.
The downside of fewer babies: fewer baby gifs.
“This is the sixth year in a row that the number of births has declined by an average of 2% per year, following an increase in 2014, and the lowest number of births since 1979.” National center for health statistics said.
“Fewer people? Golly, that’s a shame,” never said a plant, an animal, an air, a body of water or a land mass in America.
Ten years ago in C&J: May 18, 2011
CHEERS to pleasant interruptions. Former President George W. Bush recently revealed what he did when he got the call that Osama bin Laden – the terrorist mastermind he was unusually quick to lose interest in (“I’m really not that worried about him”, he said in 2002) – was dead: “I ate soufflé.” Now I don’t indulge myself with French food like Bush did, so I had to see what a soufflé was. Elitistapedia tells me about a pastry made from egg white and cream. And stuffed with crow.
And another one…
JEERS to a whole lot of nuthin ‘. I think it’s important to keep track of the fabricated scandals that Republicans tried to impose on Democrats as they controlled their various committee trips. If nothing else, it reminds us of how petty and irresponsible they wield power when they are in the majority. A year ago, political angler Lindsey Graham, chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, went on a fishing expedition to investigate all of the criminal acts of then-candidate Joe Biden. What did he know about Michael Flynn and when did he know it? Who did he “unmask” and how? And what about Burisma ??? And Hillary’s sex ring for kids in this pizzeria ??? And Benghazi??? And obamagate ??? And who really shot JR ??? Lindsey asked for answers, and so did he she demanded immediately …
“We need to determine whether these inquiries were legitimate,” said Graham, referring to requests from senior officials in the Obama administration to “expose” Flynn’s name. Biden’s name was revealed on Wednesday on a list of officials who reportedly exposed Flynn’s identity in edited intelligence documents related to Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russia.
Such “unmasking” requests are common, including during Trump’s administration.
Senator Graham rooted out this corrupt roll of duct tape, however.
Trump has said that “Obamagate” is the “greatest political crime” in American history – but he has yet to explain what crime he is talking about.
Spoiler alert: Lindsey staggered in no guilty Democratic fish and paddled quietly home Pawpatch district to drown his bitterness in a Shirley temple than America his party resigned to minority status. (Not even the smell of jasmine blowing in the breeze brought him comfort.) And convicted crook Michael Flynn had to be pardoned by Trump to keep his crime out of jail. So there … now you’re up to date. Have a donut.
I wish you a bearable Tuesday. The ground is open … What are you cheering and mocking about today?
Today’s shameless C&J testimonial
“Impressive. Cheers and Jeers is nothing. I’m literally looking at a kiddy pool on my screen. Right now.”
– Stephen Richer